I have been contemplating community a lot recently. I am living in this city to create art and it is unbelievably difficult! I find myself returning to "why do I do this?" It made me go way back to the beginning. Of course in every young performer, who finds they have some inkling of talent a piece of them feels seen, recognized for something special and yes that element was there for a young insecure me. A girl who found she could sing and be seen. But I am only now truly recognizing what it really was about that time that made it life changing. It was the people, it was the community, a community unlike anything else I could have ever created between the walls of my high school. There is something to creating art and exploring other humans and emotions with a community of performers that brings you close like nothing else.
I will admit watching Glee all year has brought me back down memory lane to these wonderful people who changed my life at an early age. A few of the people I met during this time are still a part of my core, time will pass but they are always there. I find in NYC one person stands out as one of the most generous and kind hearted friends who has come back into my life and I see her far too little. When I see friends from home here it truly grounds me, "Remember who you are Hill!"
There are so many of these people I don't see at all anymore, little updates on facebook but they are distant. However, I still care! I want them well. I love that three of them are creating again together!
Between this realization and LG coming together so beautifully in honor of Ben, I want to hug all these people from my very important high school years! What a beautiful place I grew up, what an incredible community I was lucky enough to have in Youtheatre! The gift of this group is amazing! Not to create Broadway stars, not that this impossible, but believe me I wouldn't wish the madness of this career on anyone. But what you learn is far more important community, team work, exploration of human life and emotions, confidence and acceptance. Those that might not have an artistic outlet or a place to fit within their high schools find a home for 4 weeks each summer! Also 3 shows in 4 weeks is an absolute miracle! I say it once again it's a gift.
I am beginning to find my community in NYC in the Active Theatre and I had an incredible family in the MFA class of 2008. So what is clear from revisiting the past is, I don't do this to be a star. I do this connect with my fellow humans to create together, to teach and connect with the audience. Sadly in this city I find far to often it's about personal gain and becoming a star and to me that's meaningless unless you are truly connecting with someone. I long to continue to find my communities in art and I am so thankful for the beginning and the other life changing communities at theaters and schools along my journey thus far. Thank You!
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
A human lost....
Today I found out a young man from my home town was killed in Afghanistan. It is the closest this war has come to me. He was a year younger than my brother. His sister is close with many of my closest friends, a lovely dancer.
I learned today he was married and was certainly loved by many in Lake George. They can no longer connect with him. A human connection lost.
Why must we fight? We are children who can't share on the playground. We can't share the land, oil and many other resources. We can't allow others to believe something different or have another way of life. Because of this prideful and unyielding way of life young men and women must die!! Really!?
I see it in smaller areas in life also. Is it really that hard to say I'm sorry, I'm wrong, I can compromise, I can share? Is our pride really worth that much more than the feelings of others, often times those we love. I wonder if we could consider, that when we fight, when we attack, we might ask ourselves, why must we fight? What am I fighting for and at what expense to those around me?
We never seem to learn, the cycle continues and it's daunting to me. We can connect on the internet, have 3-D televisions, replace hearts and learn to destroy disease, we can fly to moon and write brilliant novels, plays and music but we can't grasp the concept that killing each other over differences of opinion and resources is not the way? I believe there is a glitch in the human form and that is our pride and I know I am being dramatic but it could lead to our end. No good can come as we kill each other and the environment.
What breeds hate? It is foreign territory to me but I am trying to understand why he had to fight. Because groups of people hate us so much they will fly planes into our buildings and plot ways of destroying the way we live. Where does that kind of hate come from? How do you lose your soul, your compassion for your fellow humans? We are all made of the same things. We all breath, cry, laugh, see, hear, taste, touch...etc. We are of the same species. What is this glitch in our brain that makes us forget this, that takes away human compassion? This deserves exploration. We can bomb and kill and uproot an area but it will never change the cycle. It breeds more hate. How do we get to this core. We already know humans can do incredible things I therefore have to believe getting to this core is possible and must be done!
To the young man we lost. Thank you! As a close friend of his wrote "I am speechless." I am finding that myself and I hardly knew him. It's almost as if there are no words for this kind of loss... yes there is bravery and hero.... but some how it's an energy beyond that... I am so sorry you had to die because the human race must kill and can't Live and Let Live. I am sorry families lose their loved ones over and over and we never seem to learn. Thank you for the courage to face the hatred head on, thank you for trying to make this world a better place, I am just so sorry you ever had to fight. Thank you (insert here a word too vast for this page, to large to articulate).
LG and Ben's friends and family my heart is with you this evening. I celebrate him and I pray we will someday learn. I promise to start close to home and watch what I am fighting for and why and at what expense. Although your form has left this world your energy is touching so many lives and making us question how and why we live. RIP with much Love and Admiration.
I learned today he was married and was certainly loved by many in Lake George. They can no longer connect with him. A human connection lost.
Why must we fight? We are children who can't share on the playground. We can't share the land, oil and many other resources. We can't allow others to believe something different or have another way of life. Because of this prideful and unyielding way of life young men and women must die!! Really!?
I see it in smaller areas in life also. Is it really that hard to say I'm sorry, I'm wrong, I can compromise, I can share? Is our pride really worth that much more than the feelings of others, often times those we love. I wonder if we could consider, that when we fight, when we attack, we might ask ourselves, why must we fight? What am I fighting for and at what expense to those around me?
We never seem to learn, the cycle continues and it's daunting to me. We can connect on the internet, have 3-D televisions, replace hearts and learn to destroy disease, we can fly to moon and write brilliant novels, plays and music but we can't grasp the concept that killing each other over differences of opinion and resources is not the way? I believe there is a glitch in the human form and that is our pride and I know I am being dramatic but it could lead to our end. No good can come as we kill each other and the environment.
What breeds hate? It is foreign territory to me but I am trying to understand why he had to fight. Because groups of people hate us so much they will fly planes into our buildings and plot ways of destroying the way we live. Where does that kind of hate come from? How do you lose your soul, your compassion for your fellow humans? We are all made of the same things. We all breath, cry, laugh, see, hear, taste, touch...etc. We are of the same species. What is this glitch in our brain that makes us forget this, that takes away human compassion? This deserves exploration. We can bomb and kill and uproot an area but it will never change the cycle. It breeds more hate. How do we get to this core. We already know humans can do incredible things I therefore have to believe getting to this core is possible and must be done!
To the young man we lost. Thank you! As a close friend of his wrote "I am speechless." I am finding that myself and I hardly knew him. It's almost as if there are no words for this kind of loss... yes there is bravery and hero.... but some how it's an energy beyond that... I am so sorry you had to die because the human race must kill and can't Live and Let Live. I am sorry families lose their loved ones over and over and we never seem to learn. Thank you for the courage to face the hatred head on, thank you for trying to make this world a better place, I am just so sorry you ever had to fight. Thank you (insert here a word too vast for this page, to large to articulate).
LG and Ben's friends and family my heart is with you this evening. I celebrate him and I pray we will someday learn. I promise to start close to home and watch what I am fighting for and why and at what expense. Although your form has left this world your energy is touching so many lives and making us question how and why we live. RIP with much Love and Admiration.
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