Something Old is New...

Dear Friends, 
      I haven't written in a few weeks because I have been thinking a lot about the direction of this blog and what it's purpose might be. Obviously, the link between human connection and technology is big for me, this idea of unplugging is on my mind a lot. But I realized the bigger picture is the old soul in me, the connection to history vs. the world we are living in now. As I mentioned at the end of my last post, what might be learned and carried on from the past and what might be gained by the advancements now and in the future? How can these worlds come together?
      In theatre, I am able to bring back to life customs, clothing, ways of moving, periods of history and I adore it! We can revisit and breath life into worlds long forgotten. One of my greatest love's is going to a classical piece and coming out with a lesson we still could learn today. While yes it can be disheartening, will we ever learn? It's also fascinating to think humanity has been struggling with these very human issues and questions for centuries.
      So where am I going with this, you ask? I would like to study and revisit customs of human interaction and explore there uses in today's society. Could we benefit from remembering them or might we laugh, "oh my, we did that?" But I truly believe there is much to be learned from our past and customs that maybe should not be lost. Could something old be new again? Could it be adjusted to fit our society today? I ask again, how might we connect?
      This week I am going to visit good old fashioned letter writing. I am curious what the response of friends and family might be if they randomly got a letter in their mailbox, that isn't a bill, invite, magazine or junk? I am guessing a big smile but we shall see. While e-mail is helpful, isn't a good old fashioned letter meaningful and personal in a way an e-mail never can be? That is my hypothesis, so I will research, poll and study and get back to you.
       Therefore, I am off to find my address book and connect in this old way, that just might feel new to those on the receiving end.
Love,
  Hillary

Unplugging...

       It has been a fascinating week and the messages to unplug certainly kept coming my way. It may be that I am just more aware of this topic but it seemed very present this week. After re-reading the Alchemist I have been trying to be aware of Omens, signs as to where to go on my journey and there were certainly a lot saying that I am currently exploring the right topic.
       Therefore, here are the results of my experiment unplugging. As a reminder I was to stay off Facebook and unplug from my computer and phone completely after 6pm. The first day was odd, at 6pm I put my technology in my office and stood there for a moment, thinking, "what now?" I then took to my bookshelf and scanned it for those books I have always wanted to read but ignored or those life changing books that deserve a re-read. This week I read two books both inspiring and soul searching and I realized there is quite a difference for me between reading a real book and reading off of a screen. I find reading books calming, centering and less draining. I soak up more of the information and feel less distracted. Making me curious of the effect a screen has on us, why would there be a difference? Something for future research.
   I also experienced the phantom phone, reaching for it at commercials in a show or after finishing a chapter of a book. One night after going out to eat at a restaurant, I realized I was reaching for my phone the second we stood up and started walking to the door. It therefore made me very aware of the times I am reaching for my phone and how often I do it. When you reach and it's not there you have no other choice but to reflect, sometimes looking inward and sometimes causing you to look outward and see what else is out there.  I liked being challenged to try something new. 
   The experiment was easier than expected especially when I woke up in the morning and realized that all the messages were my typical morning e-mails. Causing me to realize that rarely do very important messages come after 6pm. I did find Facebook harder, only because people use it as an e-mail and I was receiving e-mail notices that people were messaging me. But I did only go on to read and respond to the messages and then got right off. I found I did not miss Facebook at all, I began to realize besides occasionally connecting with long lost friends and occasionally learning about a show or event I might not have otherwise known about, I really have no need for it. Since those notices come to my e-mail, expect to rarely see me in the land of Facebook anymore.
    Over all, I found myself more grounded, happier, willing to take on new things and come up with new adventures. I was also more open to the omens I have been searching for and answers to questions I have been pondering. I was out in nature a lot more, taking walks/runs and funny enough I lost 2 pounds this week with out even trying. I met knew people, challenged myself to say hello to more people, started conversations and looked them in the eyes. I had to become more aware because I wasn't living in my tiny computer bubble. I was out in the world around real, living breathing people. I have to say I prefer it out there. Finally, I was glad to find that I was also just all around calmer and more present.
   What do I take away from all this? I am going to integrate the unplugging after 6pm into my life from now on because I am seeing and liking the benefits.  I also noticed it caused me to unplug more during the day as well. While I do see the benefits of technology, for example having the ability to share this experience with you all. I have to say, experiencing more balance this week felt life changing. There is room for both, it's just about balance!
   Finally, I noticed myself reflecting back to a time when we didn't have as much technology and trying to remember what life was like then. Are there rituals from that time period I want to re-integrate into my life? This just might be my next blog post.... Stay tuned...Signing off and heading outside! Namaste!

Our Phones, Our Machines...

       This week I have spent a whole lot of time on my computer finishing my website. Which I am happy to say is published and out in the world. www.hillary-parker.com
     
       The funny thing is, although I accomplished something I am proud of, being in front of the screen that many hours really did take a toll on me. I felt drained, my mood was down (for no understandable reason), my eyes had trouble focusing, I felt anxious...etc. I therefore took to looking up studies to see if there is proof that too much "Screen time" is harmful. And while nothing is really conclusive out there, that I could find, it is interesting to note there are studies looking into if too much "screen time" is causing depression and anxiety in kids. Again it is hard to say if it's the machines themselves that is causing the issue or a lack of an active and social lifestyle. But in my experience this week, the two go hand in hand. If I am on my computer, watching TV or checking my phone I am probably not very active.
     
       So I have been exploring what's to be done. I am also one to follow the signs and I found it interesting that this topic kept coming up this week. I am listening to the Audio book version of Arianna Huffington's book Thrive. She certainly addresses this topic and believes too much time on machines is harmful to us. We need time to turn off, unwind and just be. When we are on our machines we are doing none of those things. Constant access to e-mail, needing to tweet our lives and needing instant responses to correspondence is draining and anxiety building. I know this and fall prey to it. I find Facebook just makes me feel bad for no reason I can truly pin point, so why do I feel I need to use it? I am fascinated by our relationships to these things and again I am wanting to explore a good balance.

         The time I did spend away from machines and out in the world this week was rewarding, seeing theatre, movies and spending time out in nature with the kids I babysit for. On one evening out, I met some lovely new people and had a good talk with a friend. She said something that tied very much into this blog entry, another sign I received this week. She mentioned that our phones have become a crutch in social situations, when she feels awkward she hides behind her phone and it is making her feel more awkward. She said, "I am not looking people in the eyes." I agree with her and it made me conscious of putting the phone away while out with friends, even when things feel awkward. It also made me think of my first post in this blog many years ago and why I called it Gypsy Eyes.

          Arianna Huffington mentions, "what if we had to check our phones at the door, like we check our coats." I have to admit I love this idea. I am old enough to remember when we weren't wired in all the time and I did look people in the eyes more. Therefore, Starting today I am setting a goal that after 6pm I will unplug from my phone and computer. Also this week, I will take another Facebook cleanse. I will allow my evenings to be time with my boyfriend or family I will be visiting, real face time. I say to JR all the time jokingly, "There is so much technology between us," as I have to move phones, remotes and computers to cuddle up to him. I am going to take it seriously and remove them this week. I will relay my findings next week.

       So here's to a week of evenings unplugged, another Facebook cleanse and looking people in the eyes. Namaste!

New Home, Starting Again...

It's been over three years since I wrote in this blog. However, recently as I was building my website a lot of the questions and discoveries that caused me to start this in the first place came up again. Finding the balance of taking on the world of technology and still remaining in the real world connecting, human to human, has come up a lot for me lately. I think this will be a challenge of our times. Which may be harder for some of us more than others. Certainly me! Once again in my mission to meld the two worlds, I have decided to make this blog a chronicle of my real life human to human interactions, my journey in my new home here in Philadelphia and the art that moves me.

In the time I have been away from this blog I have been trying to find a home. Connecting back to my post about, Cities and do they have personalities, I have found they do. I have lived in NYC, Upstate NY, Chicago and now Philadelphia in the last three years. I am thankful for this time to wander and explore and am so glad I have finally found a place I connect to. Reminding me of the wonderful Tolkien quote that "not all who wander are lost."

This post is a "hello again" post. I am holding myself to writing a weekly blog of my adventures. Challenging myself to have adventures, to get out in the world, connect with others and make new discoveries. So I am off to find this balance, I look forward to sharing what arises and as always I would love to hear from you! Let's Connect!

 

Heart Mind Connection....

The idea of two different kinds of intelligence, one of the mind and one of the heart, has been on my mind a lot lately. I felt this would be a good place to explore these thoughts as it truly relates to our own human connections. And if any one reads this I would love to hear your thoughts/experiences with these two intellectual centers. However, intellectual doesn't seem to be the right word for the heart, wisdom seems more accurate. I think a major human struggle is the idea of allowing these two centers to work together. Many don't choose to take on this struggle but it seems to be one of my passions in life. I am determined to explore and find this connection. I have recently come to believe that the best life for me would be one in which I contribute to opening hearts in this world. I believe the wisdom of the heart center can be the one most ignored or tucked away when it is actually the most wise part of our being.

We are a mind Society, we love ideas, concrete answers, those with higher ed degrees are revered 
(I am not putting down people with those degrees, I admire them immensely) but we put so much stock in the stuff of the mind. Believe me I have been sucked into that world. My mind has ruled for a long time. But I am glad to say my heart is strong and has always been there calling for my attention. Through my years of work in the arts, my new found love of body psychology and yoga and simply being the age I am, I can no longer just follow the brain. I see the mistakes and the wrong roads it's taken me down based on ideas of how I have been told I should live my life, or simply ignoring the wise being in me, the heart, yelling for my attention.

 There is great Vulnerability in being truly you, to be authentic. It is scary to truly let yourself go and open yourself up to people whether it be friends, romantic interests (especially) and sometimes family as well. To stop trying to be who society or your family/friends think you should be can be scary both personally and to those close to you. The mind struggles wrapping itself around the idea of something different, even among the most "open minded" of folks.

I am not sure that term makes sense to me. To be "Open Minded" you must also be "Open Hearted" and I don't necessarily believe they always go together right now. I think the term should be "Open Hearted!" Because I know when the heart is open so is the mind. I know this from my brief glimpses of feeling the wonder of these open moments in my life. In my opinion Fear is one of the biggest obstacles to allowing this Mind/Heart connection to occur. For example, in romantic relationships the fear of hurting again (if you have in the past), getting lost in the future of can it possibly work, making up your "mind" this is who I should be with, based on society but not your heart, or staying based on a fear of being alone...etc. We can get so lost in all this "mind stuff" we never take the chance to truly open our hearts to another. But if we never try, if we never risk, we can never truly find our hearts, we can never truly love.

It's easy to philosophize about and I know much harder to do, but so very worth it. Especially as we connect more to our hearts and find the mind/heart balance. I know this is all totally stream of consciousness but in my attempt to open myself up more I am putting this out there to you all. I know this entry sounds down on the the mind intelligence, this is not true at all but I believe that intelligence is far superior when the heart is open, giving it's vast wisdom to the mind, it's all about balance.

I would love to hear your thoughts, experiences..etc. Have you experienced this Mind/Heart balance? What has helped you to find this? Help me help others (and myself) find the courage to open their hearts in all areas of their lives even when faced with this crazy world. What is life, where is hope with out Love?

Much Thanks, This romantic idealist with the occasional mind of the cynic. :)

Human connection and art.....

I have not written in ages. I think about it all the time as I see moments of human connection happen every day that I could reflect on. But finally, here I am.

I am at a crossroads in life and with that human connection largely comes into play . Should I stay where I am, help to build this artistic community and explore the friendships...etc. I am finding here? It is easier to connect here for sure. The madness of the city and survival is not in my way at every turn. However, Can I do what I want to creatively? I think that is the big question for me, what do I want to do creatively and how can I do it and still maintain good relationships? That is what I shall reflect on once my current show closes.

But the bigger issue on my mind right now is the Artist and Human Connection. As Artists we study humans, we create them, find their psychology, tell their stories. If you are an actor, you connect with others on stage or camera...etc, so why is it so hard in life? I have watched artists for years and I have observed that so often the art itself becomes more important than actually connecting with others. Lives get ruled by it. I have fallen into this trap, I am not innocent here. But I have also taken a lot of time to reflect on this and I now see I need and want great human connections in life more than anything. I am even a better actor for being more open to others. I don't want to put the job, project, show...etc. before those I care about. I am not saying not to invest in it but it seems to become so all consuming that the humans around vanish. It just seems so strange to me. I know this is a generalization, some have found a way to do it all, but many have not! I would say most!

Why is it so hard for artists to have relationships when this is what they are exploring in their work? I am sure this happens in other careers as well but this is where I have experience, these are the people I meet. I realize we travel, I realize nothing about our lives is conventional but is it really better to be alone and be an artist? To put our work above all else? I just can't see how that is right!!

I am on this kick because this has come up so often over the years in some of my closest relationships and my tolerance for it is waning. On numerous occasions I have watched good people lose themselves because a project became more important than the people closest to them. I  have seen them alienate dear friends, lovers, family members...etc. by getting upset or by only talking about themselves and never taking in the other person. I believe, we need compassion and should love people, we need to learn to look at the world through the others eyes for great art, great relationships, great everything! Am I a idealist? Yes!! But this just seems like common sense to me. And I am not saying everything has to be rosy...etc. Conflict will arise in any collaborative endeavors but watch when the project becomes bigger than the people closest to you.

Artists reflect... Lets not be alone, Lets do this together and Lets see and feel each other as we do it. In these difficult times we need all the support we can get!! You've got mine!!!

In a wise man's words:
"It’s very important not to misunderstand what is meant by the idea of overcoming our self-cherishing attitudes. We are not saying that a spiritual practitioner should completely ignore or abandon the goal of self-fulfillment, rather we are advising him or her to overcome that small-minded selfishness that makes us oblivious to the well-being of others and to the impact our actions can have on them." -Dalai Lama

The importance of my early community....

I have been contemplating community a lot recently. I am living in this city to create art and it is unbelievably difficult! I find myself returning to "why do I do this?" It made me go way back to the beginning. Of course in every young performer, who finds they have some inkling of talent a piece of them feels seen, recognized for something special and yes that element was there for a young insecure me. A girl who found she could sing and be seen. But I am only now truly recognizing what it really was about that time that made it life changing. It was the people, it was the community, a community unlike anything else I could have ever created between the walls of my high school. There is something to creating art and exploring other humans and emotions with a community of performers that brings you close like nothing else.


I will admit watching Glee all year has brought me back down memory lane to these wonderful people who changed my life at an early age. A few of the people I met during this time are still a part of my core, time will pass but they are always there. I find in NYC one person stands out as one of the most generous and kind hearted friends who has come back into my life and I see her far too little. When I see friends from home here it truly grounds me, "Remember who you are Hill!"
There are so many of these people I don't see at all anymore, little updates on facebook but they are distant. However, I still care! I want them well. I love that three of them are creating again together!

Between this realization and LG coming together so beautifully in honor of Ben, I want to hug all these people from my very important high school years! What a beautiful place I grew up, what an incredible community I was lucky enough to have in Youtheatre! The gift of this group is amazing! Not to create Broadway stars, not that this impossible, but believe me I wouldn't wish the madness of this career on anyone. But what you learn is far more important community, team work, exploration of human life and emotions, confidence and acceptance. Those that might not have an artistic outlet or a place to fit within their high schools find a home for 4 weeks each summer! Also 3 shows in 4 weeks is an absolute miracle! I say it once again it's a gift.

I am beginning to find my community in NYC in the Active Theatre and I had an incredible family in the MFA class of 2008. So what is clear from revisiting the past is,  I don't do this to be a star. I do this connect with my fellow humans to create together, to teach and connect with the audience. Sadly in this city I find far to often it's about personal gain and becoming a star and to me that's meaningless unless you are truly connecting with someone. I long to continue to find my communities in art and I am so thankful for the beginning and the other life changing communities at theaters and schools along my journey thus far. Thank You!